it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I wish they made helmets for livers.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
