is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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