fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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