OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
