this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
