I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
