Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
