My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
