If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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