cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
