I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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