I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
