Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
