FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Randomize
