i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
