My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
