time to smoke my breakfast
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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