I heard we made out
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
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