I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
