I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
