I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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