I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Randomize
