I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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