i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
