why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
