When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
