What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize
