look no pants
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
