this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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