the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
