Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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