if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
zippers are such a cool invention
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
