If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
