Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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