I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
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