and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I think my moral compass just broke
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
