$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
