Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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