I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
