We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
