last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
