shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
