Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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