And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
