i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
My orgasm happened in two different decades
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
