Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I'm too high and old for this...
Randomize
