if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
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The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
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The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
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