I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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