I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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