my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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