Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
