Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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