Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
