You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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