You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
