We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
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It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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