its not stalking. its research.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
