you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
