Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Randomize
