i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
