Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
