he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
