Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
