you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
