Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
