i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Randomize
