and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Randomize
