How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
