dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
