Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?