I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory