So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper