thanks...oh and i got my period
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Who died my cat blue again?