Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys