so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
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Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??