How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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